Piece One

そして眠りを失くした

そして貴方を失くした

そしてつばさを失くした

そしてひかりを失くした

すべて愛していたのに

すべて壊れてしまった

 

Piece Two

何が愛なのか？

何が嘘なのか？

解からない

ー無情な時間が迫るー

ただ　君だけが恋しい

 

Piece Three

胸にいつの日にも輝く

あなたがいるから

涙枯れ果てても大切な

あなたがいるから

嵐の夜が待ちうけても

太陽がくずれてもいいさ

 

Piece Four

かわいた風をからませ

あなたを連れてくのさ

限りない夢を

この両手につかんで

信じてほしい

この世界が嘘でも

 

Piece Five

重力はして增

僕の体は地球へと還る

見上げでれば空

僕の体は君の空であり

君の源は僕の宇宙である

互いに相容れぬまま

ただ　そこにあるばかり

 

Piece Six

空高く舞い上がれこの心

渦巻いた悪い夢より高く

解き放つ貴方へのこの想い

遠い地へ輝きを放って

新たなる国に

やがて来る日にも

おなじ道をまた通るだろうか

 

Piece Seven

降りそそぐ罪に彩られた

枯れだ道を彷徨い続ける

この愛は誰も触れさせない

それが神に背く事であろうと

鏡の君は逆さまの微笑で

途切れそうな夢紡ぎの糸を切った

 

Piece Eight

海を渡る小船は遠く

願いをこめて大地を求める

そう私の心はひとつ

永遠のちかいをその手にゆだねる

今　私に運命の時を

告ぐ鐘の音が鳴り響いている

 

One more piece:

我是真的很想去日本

所以這次 請帶我一起去吧

"In the West many people retire at 60. China's Communist Party is still going strong. And strong is the word."

-- The Economist

 

虽然咱不懂军事，阅兵绝大部分时间都在看热闹，但这热闹看得也挺激动人心的。

虽然刚开始听到央视的官腔解说还小小地抽搐了一下，但凭着20来年的修炼很快就适应了。

虽然现在已经过了热血和愤青的年纪，但还是忍不住要高吼一嗓子：“中国万岁！”

唯一不满意的是为啥咱领导人都穿西装打领带啊？连Warren Buffet都说了，中山装才是潮流，才是王道！顶一下涛哥。

 

原谅我两年没与祖国大陆亲密接触了，国庆贺文写成这个样子，一点中心思想都没有。年底一定回来接受党和人民的再教育！

茶道有云：一期一會。意思是說，坐在一起這樣喝茶的機會，或許一生只有一次，所以喝每一杯茶時都要抱著感激的心，格外珍惜。因為下一次與你面對面喝茶的，就不再是原來的那個人了；而你所喝到的茶，也不會再是原來的那一杯。

 

茶如此，音樂亦如此，人生的每一件事，亦如此。

 

謹以此文紀念MJ.

 

P.S. Why I choose this BGM?

It happens that I love its tune.

It happens that I love its lyrics.

It happens that I love its guitar solo.

He has so many good works, but it happens that I'm listening to this one.

A long, long time ago, there were two elves :Mañju, who guarded the flower, and Saka, who guarded the leaves. Out of curiosity, they defied their fate of being guarding the herb alone, and managed to meet each other. At first sight, they fell in love with each other. The God, exasperated by their waywardness, separated the miserable couple, and laid a curse on them as a punishment : The flowers of Mañju shall never meet the leaves of Saka again. Each time when the couple met after death in Diyu, they vowed to meet each other after reincarnation. However, neither of them could keep their words. So when you see someone that you may never meet again, these flowers would bloom along the path.

 

Living to Love You

by Sarah Connor

 

All we had was just one summer
Two lovers strolling in the park
But like they say the world keeps turning
As the leaves would’ve fallen we should fall apart

Now I’m waiting for the winter
To build my castle out of ice
And deep inside is massive building
There’s a crystal lake of all the tears I've cried.

Baby for all my life
Don’t you know that it’s true
I’m living to love you
So baby don’t think twice
If you feel what I feel
Trust your heart and do what I do
Cause I'm living to love you
I’m living to love you

When you’re gone it’s not forever
Cause you’re remaining in my heart
So tell me why I feel this aching
Every time I think of you when we’re apart

 

Baby for all my life
Don’t you know that it’s true
I’m living to love you
So baby don’t think twice
If you feel what I feel
Trust your heart and do what I do
I'm living to love you

I admit that from time to time
I’m feeling insecure and think I’m gonna loose my mind
Don’t let it show…no…no…no…no..nooo

I don’t think I’ll ever understand
That our love should never have a happy end
So I’m really gonna try my best
To let you know To let you know

 

Baby for all my life ooh yeah
I’m living to love you.

Space上新增了两篇blog: 一篇来自于之璋的母亲——今天是之璋的生日；一篇来自于坠露兄——李李的案子上周终于有了结果。

之璋若是还健在，该是25岁了；而李李虽洗脱了“间谍”罪名，却以背信罪被判十个月缓刑，两个月实刑。

不敢说想哭，却是悲哀后深沉的无奈与心痛。一位已逝，一位无力相助。若说好好活着是对死者最大的慰籍，那么同是天涯漂泊的游子，为何就不能给落难的同胞一丝温暖？

时近圣诞与新年。周日Hippo与思维各从Indiana与CA分赴Chicago, 若是Xin也能携女友前往，再加上正在西北访问的黄晓，X'mas即可办一个小型的reunion了。

想想，新婚大喜；

渊渊，希望你的东部旅行一切顺利；

玥，我更喜欢你现在丰满的样子；

张晶晶，看你和黄晓谁先举办婚礼；

Larkin, 早起早睡身体好；

夜，宅女还是找个好男人嫁了吧；

坠露兄，祝你和你的小女友幸福；

老姐，要我当伴娘请提前半年预约；

Bailey, 快点告别单身宿舍吧你；

猫，期待你的第四张demo;

唐唐，回武汉一路顺风；

冰冰，愿你和你的家人平平安安；

Yui, 替我向你的anata还有珂她们问好；

李李，虽然不能为你做些什么，但同学们一直都在为你祈祷。

我所有身边及远方的朋友们，wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I picked this song for you and your girl. Wish you a happy birthday and a wonderful journey!

 

Wait For You

 

By Elliott Yamin

 

I never felt nothing in the world like this before

Now I'm missing you

And I'm wishing that you would come back through my door

Why did you have to go

You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone
Girl you could have stayed
But you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more than i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away

 

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

 

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

 

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me

You're still in love with me
Don't leave me crying

 

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you're telling me it won't be enough

 

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

 

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

 

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

 

Virgo VS. Aquarius

Virgos tend to use their rationalities to analyze problems.

Aquarius tend to use their rationalities to ask everything.

"You're rational, and intelligent, but you don't question. That's a total waste!"

You just don't understand. Virgos can never be optimistic like Aquarius. Once they begin to doubt, they would become more and more pessimistic, ending up with either killing themselves or destroy their worlds.

 

IU

You said IU is among the five most beautiful campuses in the states.

To me, its beauty just simply reminds me of my college, my hometown, my birthplace.

There are two sceneries of IU in memory.

Grey sky and buildings, red berries under white snow, in early spring; Blue sky with white clouds, green leaves around vivid flowers, in summer end.

 

Emperor

I never expected you could fall asleep in a classical concert, or, Beethoven's famous Symphony No.5.

Astonished, and more regretful for dragging you to the theater, just because I like classical music.

Yet later you said you was drawn by the contrast between piano and the orchestra from "Emperor".

Though we enjoyed from different angles, you love it. That's enough.

 

Endless Rain

Every of my birthday is accompanied with rain.

I explained because I was born on Bailu (literally means "white dew"), the 15th solar term.

You said this is a good thing, "related with water".

I don't know. After the concert we were walking in the heavy rain. I was guided by you, like a small lost child. Before you used to follow my direction, but this time, I put all my faith in you.

Virgo VS. Sagittarius

Virgos are diligent and controlled, yet squeamish.

Sagittarius are adventurous and independent, yet insane.

They are the worst pair among all twelve astrological signs.

 

From The New World

Antonin Leopold Dvorak, who was born 142 years earlier than me, wrote his last and best symphony in this land where I am living.

The Symphony No.9 in E Minor, Op 95

The background music is the fourth movement - Allergro con fuoco.

 

Best Birthday Gift

Opus 67: Symphony No.5 in C Minor (composed 1804-08, premiered 1808)

Opus 73: Piano Concerto No.5 in C-flat Major ("Emperor") (1809)

Ludwig van Beethoven, my favorite composer, a Sagittarius.

 

The Snow of Kilimanjaro

He had lived through so much and yet had lived only for the moment, with no regard to the future.

And if you look up for better things, you will just get shot down.

However, I would rather be a frozen leopard which died in the snow of Kilimanjaro.

What I did to celebrate his birthday is to buy a pillow from Disney store, which has his portrait as Captain Jack Sparrow.

I watched his latest movie, "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End", the very day it came out, right before my CFA exam. The movie was great as a whole plot. The only thing disappointing me was that his performance didn't weight as much as in the first two.

I will watch it again, yeah, in theater.

He's got two kids, one girl, one boy, and a pretty forever-relationship partner. But no, I wish he would never marry her.

I'm gonna hug your pillow tonight when I sleep, hoping that you could appear in my dream.

Good night, and happy birthday. =)

I totally forgot today, actually yesterday, was Kurt Cobain's 40th birthday.

My brain has been stuffed by too many things recently...

What I'm gonna do? Listening to all Nirvana's songs I have? I did this every year, but on his deathday rather than birthday.

For me, he is, different from Marilyn Manson, not an idol but a passed symbol, a dead sign.

People said Kurt is in fact just a big boy, too pure to survive in this dirty world.

So this pessimistic Jesus died for we adults' sin finally.

Look at his picture as a little child. For God's sake I would think that's young Anakin Skywalker.

So delicate, so fragile, so sensitive, but with berserk, distorted, and piercing voice filled with loss, pain, and sadness.

 

I remember the last spring when staying in China, at a youth hotel besides Qinhuai River in Nanjing, one night I was sitting besides the window, drinking and smoking, watching two American guys and a French girl playing pool. The warm wind breezed gently on my face; The cold water flew silently under my feet; And the music, unexpectedly not that so-famous "Smells Like Teen Spirit", but "Lithium", lingered around the whole bar.

That moment was very Nirvana.

お誕生日おめでとう、私の禁断の恋人

 

  

In out era, both Jesus and Satan were reborn in two rock stars. Jesus chose Kurt Cobain, and Satan picked Marilyn Manson.

 

Marilyn Manson, whose birth name was Brian Hugh Warner, and whose current name is formed from the names Marilyn Monroe and Charles Manson, was born in a broken family in Canton, Ohio, on January 5, 1969. He took my mind away when I was in college. The first time I heard his album - "Antichrist Superstar", I got brainwashed by his luring voice. From that day on, I abandoned my faith. From that day on, Kurt Cobain was not my only Lord any more. From that day on, Marilyn Manson, the Lucifer, led me revolt and fall from the Heaven.

 

I've always been wondering how he really is in his personal life till one day I watched an interview video shot at his home. During the interview, his Mom called. I got shocked to see him speaking softly on the phone, with smile on face. At that time he was not a demon but looked like a next-door boy. God! Even Satan has his tender side!

 

He even got married, after dating Dita Von Teese for almost five years, on December 3, 2005. To fans' disappointment (maybe just mine), the wedding was not Gothic at all, though, not that normal also. Sigh, why every man I like either has married or is a gay?

 

I only knew he and Johnny Depp are good friends recently, when I saw him appeared in the premiere of "Pirates of Caribbean - Dead Men's Chest". They seemed damning perfect to each other. Devil and Dracula...

 

Jesus shot his head and murdered himself on April 5, 1994, while Satan still lives happily and may even ever after. So what do you think our world is gonna be?

 

Happy Birthday, my Satan!

Happy Birthday, Zhizhang!

This should have been your 24th birthday.

I'm just back from Bulls game. They beaten Lakers! Today I will go watching "Mama Mia", a musical. I'm gonna spend my Christmas in Las Vegas and New Year in D.C. Also I will skip class to see Bulls vs. Rockets on Jan 8. And at Martin Luther King Jr's long weekend, I'm planning a ski trip.

I know I'm trying to escape from something by keeping my schedule full.

Visiting Las Vegas was a part of your travel plan last year. So I will complete it for you now.

Wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in Heaven!

 

P.S. longing ~broken melody~

       Even harsh words or endless tears will become memory.

       So I hold this broken melody deeply in my heart.

       It will play again tomorrow, even if I could never meet you.

 

       Sing without you. I will sing without you.

       Can't you feel my heart falling through the rain?

       Sing without you. I will sing without you.

       Can't you hold my tears? Cuz still I love you.

 

       I can't face the thought of being alone.

       I sing for the song that still carries on.

       I hold my yearning in heart and sing it voicelessly.

 

       Sing without you. I will sing without you.

       Can't you feel my pain? There's nothing I can do.

 

       I still have a longing for your memory, but only pain left.

       I wanna deliver my mind. Now I don't wanna be alone.

       Those dreams got broken in the pouring rain.

       They will play the same movement tomorrow.

 

       Sing without you. I will sing without you.

今天是您的生日，您却不得不在遥远的中朝边境的工地上度过。

我很愧疚，父亲。

59岁的人了，按理说应该准备退休享福了，您却不停地为一个又一个工程奔波。平均一个星期出一次差。每次给您打电话，不是听到刚从什么什么地方回来，就是又要去哪里哪里。Travel的频繁程度简直和这里的consultant有得一拼。我甚至怀疑您若是参加了航空公司的mileage program的话恐怕年年都会是白金会员。

学生们都想做您的研究生，因为可以参与国家级的工程项目。母亲已经退休，您却要等到65岁，这是学校的规定。而我呢？23岁的人了，却还不能自力更生，我感到耻辱。

也许，我从出生那天开始，就注定了要让您失望。

我知道您想要一个儿子。在这个封建思想根深蒂固的家族里，儿子远比女儿重要。所以在我出生后，您问母亲的第一句话是：“男孩还是女孩？”第二句话就是：“抱错了没有？”因为在我没有出生前，家族里所有的人都认为，母亲怀的是个男孩。

后来当我得知这些事时，没有感到任何绝望或者伤心，我已经麻木了。

我已经麻木了您对我的验苛；我已经麻木了您对我的失望；我已经麻木了您对我的惩罚。我已经麻木在为获得您的赞同而付出的努力中；我已经麻木在您每天给我的巨大压力中；我已经麻木在自己施加于自身肉体和精神上的折磨中。

紧张、易怒、悲观、无耐心、自负与自卑，以及，自杀倾向。这是我真实性格里的一个黑暗极端。

Hippo曾经问我为什么要自杀，majored in psychology的他，怎么也想不出我有什么活不下去的理由。不过有一点他说对了。I have Electra complex.

“这不算什么，每个女人或多或少都有一点。就像每个男人都会有Oedipus complex一样。”

我笑，这就是为什么我对Libra的男生有格外好感的原因吗？

以前与Bailey有一段对话：“如果有一天你父亲带你见一个你从未见过的男人，并要你第二天就嫁给他，你答应吗？”我想了想，然后看着他的眼睛，很认真地说：“我答应。”

如果这是您所希望的，无论在旁人看来是怎样不可思议的事情，我都会去做。我从来不敢奢求什么，只期盼有一天，您可以认可我。

 

お父さん　お誕生日おめでと

虹                                                 Rainbow

 

時は奏でて　想いはあふれる               I keep wondering whenever play
途切れそうなほど　透明な声に             In delicate sounds, which almost fade
歩きだした　その瞳へ                        Attracted by your deep sight
果てしない未来が続いている                Future without ending, steps by

本当はとても心はもろく                       Our hearts become fragile
誰もがひびわれている                        Our relationship goes frail
降り出した雨に濡れて                         The rain is falling everywhere
君はまた立ち止まってしまうけど            You're all wet, standing there
信じてくれるから                                Believing I would go nowhere

誰より高く　空へと近づく                      Fly high, high to the sky
輝きを集め　光を求める                      Longing for brilliance and light
燃え尽きても　構わないさ                    I don't mind burning to ashes
全ては真実と共にある                         Reality exists with all things

「少年は人の影に歪んだ憎しみを見た」  "In shadow, youths see hates distort"
そんな世界なんてもう何も見たくないよ     I don't wanna see this world any more
何も！何も！何も！                            Not at all! At all! At all!

それでも想う　貴方のことを                  Still miss you, however
季節が流れていても…                        With seasons flowing like a river
目を閉じていつも見てた風景のように       Closing eyes, I see scenery in mind
何度目かの雨もあがった                      After lasting rain, it will get fine

せつない人よ　叶わぬ願いよ                Ruthless people with empty wishes
なぜこの胸から愛は生まれて行く？        Why you still keep love in hearts?
咲き乱れた　花は揺れて                     Blooming flowers shake in winds
沈んだ大地に降り注ぐ                         Then fall down, dying in the earth

愛を時は奏でて　想いはあふれる          I keep wondering whenever play
途切れそうなほど　透明な声に             In delicate sounds, which almost fade
歩き出した　その瞳へ                        Attracted by your deep sight

終わらない未来を捧げよう                   Future without ending, steps by

Dear My Love,

 

How are you? I have been thinking about you. I write this letter knowing it will probably never reach you. Many days, as cold as winter nights, have passed since that time. My weakness, and the way in which I hurt you, disappear into the darkness. I know we cannot back the clock and return. I believe that not meeting you signifies my last love. I will never forget the tenderness you showed me. You live on in each new day. Your memory brightens the sky. Don't hate me. Don't become sad because of me. That is all I ask. I opened the window today and saw a myriad of flowers blooming. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. To say goodbye is like a small lost child again.

 

Goodbye.

 

Goodbye.

 

Goodbye.

 

Goodbye.

It's still Sep 28 in Chicago, but already Sep 29 in Singapore.

Your birthday has come.

I saw your space updated today. I was expecting to see something about joy, but it's not.

Even the background tune sounds that somber and reminded me of some stories.

You once said you don't want to celebrate your birthday, cuz you're all alone.

Even though, I wish you could know, me, and perhaps others, there are still friends who care you and are trying to send you true wishes from their hearts.

Chicago afternoon, 6:00 PM, the setting sun is shining through clouds on my face, and the bell of Old St. Patrick's Church is ringing. I'm sitting in the library, writing this blog for you.

I picked a song named "Finale", for you always indicate your name "Last" on MSN and QQ.

It's a very sad song, not suitable for a birthday song at all. But anyway, you don't care that much, do you?

I posted the lyrics also. Could you understand?

And I will make a birthday cake tomorrow, then eat it instead of you.

Happy Birthday, Larkin!